is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
