just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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