Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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