Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
