Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
