hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
