I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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