You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
