my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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