Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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