Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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