Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
