When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They took my balls.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
