You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
is that a dick in a sweater?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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