We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Operation Purity has been aborted
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
