I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
