you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
