somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
