i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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