Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize