all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
