What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
