I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
