I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
