Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
