Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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