I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
