if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
try to milk me bitch
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