is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
