i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
