he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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