It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
