I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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