If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
