I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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