Say something about gay babies.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
