How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
