Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
