3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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