I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
