I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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