Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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