at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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