she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize