u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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