Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
