he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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