it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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