is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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