I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
