We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
