I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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