Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
