so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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