i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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