I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
