I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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