Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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