dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
