you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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