no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
