i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We need to feng shui this bitch.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
