At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
