I got chris browned last night
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
