Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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