I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
