U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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