I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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