I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
