I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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