I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize