She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
