yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
two words: eviction party
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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