i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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